Culture

It's About Sex

E-mail this page to a friend

Jeff Syrios
Attorney-at-law, Syrios Law Firm
October 26, 2001

It has been present since the beginning of time but only periodically understood. It was not recklessly thrown together from leftovers of human design, but thoughtfully tailored to complete a union. It creates and devastates. A source of great pleasure, it is also the means for total destruction. And for a man, it has become an object of obsession and a tool for exploitation.

Never like now

What is the oldest profession? While it was probably zoology, the common response is prostitution. For certain, sexual immorality has always been around. The ancient cities of Sodom and Gomorrah represent the historical trophy of sexual sin.

But it has never been like this.

Before the dawn of technology and the print media, man had to go to sexual sin. Prior to the second half of this century, illicit sex was comprised of two things: the red light districts of streetwalking whoredom, and the affair of adultery. It took great effort to act on sexual fantasies. Sure there have always been the mysterious business trips and adult bookstores on the other side of town. But these were generally accompanied by substantial risks.

But it is different now.

Never before has there existed the opportunity to feed and cultivate a secret addiction. With the birth and maturity of the Internet, what once took effort and discretion now takes the left click of a button. Cybersex offers everything from real-time sex chats with worldwide partners to 20 inch color pornographic photographs and videos. The result is unrestrained consumption without accountability.

And then there is television, advertising and those tantalizing Victoria’s Secret magazines. Everywhere a man’s eyes turn, he is confronted by skin. Even the Saturday morning female superheros are big-chested, small-wasted animated bombshells.

It’s all about sexuality.

But not the Promise Keepers

Patrick Means, in his book, Men’s Secret Wars, highlights a disturbing fact. In a confidential survey of evangelical pastors and church lay leaders, 64 percent of these men confirmed they struggle with sexual addiction, including pornography and other secret sexual activity. Specifically, 25 percent admitted to having committed adultery while married after they became a Christian. Another 14 percent confessed they had sexual contact short of intercourse while married after becoming a Christian.

Perspective follows with great distress. If this is the condition of the Christian elite, what about the average Christian guy? Take a look down the pew next Sunday and consider the seriousness of this problem.

Christian men are the heart and soul of our culture. They are community leaders, fashioned to infuse the truth of God into a carnal world. They are pastors, elders, and lay leaders, whose purpose is to disciple, proclaim, and evangelize. They are image bearers of a holy groom, loving and sacrificing for his bride. They are warriors, protectors, and human illustrations of the Almighty God to the innocent ones.

Yet, Christian men are a very calculated and purposeful target. They literally stand in the supernatural cross hairs of a most sophisticated and accurate marksman who desires nothing more than to destroy from the inside. The enemy knows full well man’s weakness. Taking down a Christian man is the most efficient and destructive means of assaulting the cross of Christ.

Addiction or Responsibility

Lately, it seems the word "addiction" is tossed about in describing deviant sexual behavior. There are even "Sexaholics Anonymous" groups offering their own 12-step recovery program. But to some, the thought of referring to men’s sexual drive as anything other than a "one-track mind" is silly, maybe even irresponsible. Most connect the idea of addiction with the word "excuse."

However, at some point the problem becomes a bit too complex to describe only in terms of sin and bad choices.

Only in the last 10 to 20 years has the mental health profession recognized and treated extreme and compulsive sexual behavior as "sexual addiction." As with drugs, alcohol, and food, sexual addiction is best represented by the extreme. Behavior which rises to the level of addiction includes a feeling of the loss of freedom to choose. Loss of control, preoccupation, compulsivity and disregard of adverse consequences are characteristic of addictive disorders. Addiction is a spiritual, moral, emotional, and even possibly a genetic problem. It is a surface symptom indicative of a deeper wound.

But it does not happen overnight.

It may start with the wandering eye that scans low to high as a beautiful woman walks by. The next step may be giving more then a second thought to the imaginary scenario that follows. After the guilt and desire to quit subsides, it becomes easier to peruse the soft porn in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition and women’s clothing catalogs. When the emotions dull and the need for fulfilment exceeds the risk of exposure, periodic visits to adult book stores, and repeated consumption of pornographic photos on the Internet follow. With images locked in and inhibitions paralyzed, the mind and body begin taking fantastic voyages into the forbidden.

Get Serious

Men, when it comes to the affairs of the mind, we simply must not go there. If we give our mind an inch, we will be miles away when we next look back. If it is magazines, stay away from newsstands; the Internet, then pull the plug; cable T.V., then disconnect; your wife’s catalogs, then ask her to pull the subscription. The point is, make the choice to stop before you lose control. If you feel it is already beyond yourself, there are those who can help.

Women, it is time to wake up. Considering men merely as oversexed adolescents does not cut it anymore. You must understand how hard it is for your husbands and sons to be pure of thought. You must come to appreciate the extent of how men are image driven. Most of all, you must recognize how much we need your help.

Parents, we cannot afford to misjudge sin’s potential. Training should begin early. Boys must be taught to care for their eyes and mind. Girls must understand how easily they can become the object of pursuit–and that by lowering their standards and raising their skirts, they only fuel the imagination and drive of the opposite sex.

As for the church, it cannot afford to underestimate the pervasiveness of this sin. However, humility must precede judgment and hope replace fear. Provision must be made for the stories of struggle, survival, and victory. Safety needs be conveyed as brothers come alongside those beaten and bloodied by internal torment and outward failure. Individual accountability should be established as standards are again raised.

As we are all confronted by this element of the human condition, we must put aside shock and self-righteousness. For do we believe God is surprised by new revelations?

Indeed, His grace is provided with full appreciation for the perversion of all sin.

May we be filled with God’s grace; grace to see sin as sin and not elevate ourselves by ranking it; grace to comfort the wounded and those who wound; grace to provide the safety for self-disclosure; and grace enough to acknowledge that but for it, we too would be confined to a life of guilt and shame.