Pornography

A Journey to Peace

E-mail this page to a friend

Lynn Wildmon-White

December 12, 2002

They came, that sunny October day, seventeen women, wives and mothers from all across America. Some drove hundreds of miles, others flew into Memphis International Airport. They would spend the next five days together. All were there because a loved one, who had become addicted to pornography, had hurt them so very much. The trust in their marriages was gone. Many had suffered for years, others for months. All came for help.

The ladies admired the four-foot tall, carved, wooden Monk, with the little carved wooden birds resting on his outstretched arms. The Monk and birds welcomed them as they entered St. Columba lodge. They all read the framed message on the wall facing the lodge entry as they walked through the front door: All guests who present themselves are to be welcomed as Christ, for He Himself will say, "I was a stranger and you welcomed me."

On their journey to the secluded St. Columba Lodge, the group had traveled a narrow gray rock road lined with dense trees from the main highway, through a sheltered area, and past the huge rock cross in the meadow. The manager, Tim, greeted his guests with a big smile, and for the next five days attempted to fulfill their every lodging need and to make them feel comfortable and truly welcome. Valerie Arnett, an Esther staff counselor, Amiee Proctor, the worship leader, I, and four alumni of past Esther Ministries workshops joined the seventeen women. The four volunteer alumni were there to help, and they did a wonderful job. Some of the four drove hundreds of miles at their own expense to help the seventeen, because they knew the pain they were experiencing. They had walked in their shoes, …they had traveled the same road.

St. Columba lodge is located on the outskirts of Memphis, TN, and is the tranquil site of many Esther Ministries’ Journey to Peace women’s workshops. The meals are freshly prepared each day, and the rooms are nice and comfortable. In the dining room there is a huge stone fireplace at one end of the eating area. The meeting room overlooks a beautiful wooded setting that had ample space to accommodate our group. This lodge is where so many women have started on their journey to peace- a journey they will always remember.

In this meeting room, the women sang together, cried together, prayed together, and shared each other’s hurt. They hate what pornography has done to their marriage, but most still love the one who is addicted. At workshop time, most of the women in attendance had husbands who were still refusing to get help.

In the beginning the women in that room were total strangers, but before long each had made new friends that would never be forgotten. What they learned in this room lightened the burdens they had carried for such a long time.

They learned about boundaries and the blame that had been mistakenly placed on them. They learned that they could not fix the problem of the loved one. They learned that pornography addiction is like an alcohol or drug addiction. They learned how to deal with a marriage that once was such a wonderful relationship, but had turned into a nightmare. They learned that overcoming and dealing with a marriage where pornography is involved is a difficult journey that takes time, and they learned that in the majority of cases inner peace can be found.

The last day came and I watched as they loaded their baggage. There were tears and laughter as the hugs were shared, the last goodbyes said. The small female puppy that greeted them with so much excitement when they first came seemed sad they were leaving. She even jumped into one car and tried to leave with them.

After the noise and chatter ended and the last person left, I walked through that quiet empty meeting room, with the silenced piano, the guitar leaning on its’ stand, and all the empty chairs still in a circle. I took a seat in the back and reflected on the last five days as I looked at the representation of Christ, made of driftwood, which hung on a cross made of two pine slabs of wood. The cross was framed by large glass windows in the front of the room that looked out on the multi-colored trees of Fall. I thought about all the heartache and hurt that had poured out in that room for the last five days. I thought about all the joy and laughter that had been shared.

I knew each person had left with a new understanding, a new insight into her marriage. Each wife had taken that first giant step on her journey to peace, a major step in the healing process.

If you are experiencing the emotional devastation caused by pornography in your marriage, we look forward to helping you leave your hurt at the foot of that cross of pine slabs. Maybe we can have our picture taken together below the framed message beside the little wooden Monk.