Pornography

Overcoming Lust

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Steve Gallagher, President
Pure Life Ministries
December 11, 2000

A chapter from AT THE ALTAR OF SEXUAL IDOLATRY
By Steve Gallagher

In 1983, I was a student in Bible school and consumed with lust. The splendid conversion I had experienced just a few months before had been gutted of all its glory by the sexual sin I had fallen back into. I was desperate for help but did not know who or where to turn. One day, however, the pastor of the church I was attending announced that next week he would speak on the subject of lust. I was overjoyed! I could not wait until the following Sunday. On that long awaited day, after what seemed like the longest worship service I had ever attended, the pastor stepped up to the podium and began his message. For the next forty-five minutes the congregation received a pounding message about why it is wrong to lust. I knew it was wrong; I needed answers to how to overcome the lust in my life! I left church more discouraged than ever. Since then God has made it very clear to me how lust can and should be overcome in the life of the Christian. Jesus addressed the subject in His Sermon on the Mount:

You have heard that it was said, 'you shall not commit adultery'; but I say to you, that everyone who looks on a woman to lust for her has committed adultery with her already in his heart. And if your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out, and throw it from you; for it is better for you that one of the parts of your body perish, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off, and throw it from you; for it is better for you that one of the parts of your body perish, than for your whole body to go into hell. (Matthew 5:27-30)

Unfortunately, this passage of Scripture has been very disconcerting to some. However, Jesus is not telling struggling believers to start gouging and hacking at their bodies. The real problem being addressed is in the mind. If the mind becomes corrupted with lust, it will require some sacrificial severing to repair the damage. Lust will not just disappear. The man who is serious about walking in purity must take some drastic measures. The serious implications of the Lord's statements here should serve as an added incentive. There are three aspects to lust which must be addressed in the believer's life. Each of these elements carries with it a weapon with which to attack the problem.

CONDITIONS CONDUCIVE TO LUST

The spirit of this world creates spiritual atmospheres conducive to lust. The apostle John said, "Do not love the world, nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. And the world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God abides forever," (I John 2:15-17).

The world is full of lust. In practical terms, the spirit of this world capitalizes upon the fact that humans have carnal desires which are innate within them: the lust for pleasure, the lust for gain, and the lust for position. The enemy constantly attempts to create certain atmospheres which are tailor-made for the particular lust within us. Hence, the devil is called "the prince of the power of the air." For instance, if one were to go to a mall, he would find an atmosphere there which promotes coveteousness. Women especially are vulnerable to the displays in the clothing stores. There is a spiritual climate there which provokes people to want more and more and more. Another example would be going to a boxing match. This environment incites pride, anger and ultimately, violence. These things can actually be felt "in the air." If one goes into a bar, the ambience puts him in a partying mood. Nevertheless, it is the enemy at work in each of these settings.

For men involved in sexual perversion, there must be a constant awareness of the atmospheres which tend to provoke sexual lust. For instance, it is not advisable for a sex addict to go to the beach or spend time browsing at a magazine rack. It does not simply depend upon whether or not there are scantily clad girls to gawk at, but one must become sensitive to any place which has a sensuous ambience where seducing spirits lurk.

Even the home must be carefully guarded. Television, as we have already discussed, is a way the enemy can bring a lustful atmosphere right into your living room. The best approach is to get rid of it. At the very least, the man should limit how often he views television and be extremely selective in which shows he views. Other items within the home which must be seen as potential traps are magazines, catalogues, and newspapers. One does not necessarily have to cut them out completely, but at least be careful as to what is in the house. The internet is also a possible trap of the enemy. Pornography sites on the web are by far the largest money-makers through internet commerce. It is important to ruthlessly root out anything in the home which the devil might use in a time of weakness. The person who is going to get the victory over lust must do everything within his power to minimize the enemy's ability to affect him spiritually. Sacrificial decisions such as these are what Jesus was referring to when He spoke about tearing out eyeballs and cutting off one's hands.

QUENCHING THE FLAMES OF HELL

Who can adequately describe the hell of living in the spirit of lust? To be driven with a whip but never satisfied... To commit humiliating and degrading acts... To strive with all one's heart for some experience and then once it has been accomplished, find it to be empty and unsatisfying... To have one's thinking become dark, evil, and even insane... To hurt loved ones again and again... To experience a life of misery, despair, and hopelessness... To find oneself drifting further and further away from God... Anyone who has lived this kind of life knows more about the flames of hell than he may realize.

Lustful living is hellish living. Again, lust is demanding and never satisfied. The more one feeds the beast, the more ravenous it becomes. Perhaps the allergic reaction to poison ivy would illustrate the intense craving for immorality some are consumed by. The body becomes covered with a rash which incites intense itching. If the person scratches the infected area, he risks the possibility of making it worse and spreading it to other parts of his body. If he does not scratch it, he feels as though he might go insane! Yet, even if he grated it with a metal file, a few minutes later it would itch all the more.

In the second chapter, we noticed that one of the first things that happens to the person who goes down the path into a lifestyle of sexual sin is that he becomes ungrateful. The Spiral of Degradation is a horrifying reality for many. However, the good news is that if one retraces his steps, he can climb right out of that pit! Gratitude quenches the fire of lust. A thankful spirit destroys the driving passion for sex because it creates contentment within the man's heart. It soothes the beast, smothers the flames, and medicates the itch. The message behind lust is, "I want! I want! I want!" The feeling lodged within the grateful heart is, "Look at all I have! Thank You Lord, for all that You have done for me and given me. I don't need anything else." A grateful heart is a full heart. When a person is content with life, he will not be driven by the lust for what he should not have. For example, the other night I ate a big Mexican dinner. Afterwards, if the waiter would have brought me a rack of delicious ribs or a thick filet mignon steak, I would not have wanted either. I was full; I was content. My appetite was completely satisfied; I did not want anything else.

There are those who would say, "What do I have to be grateful for? My life is nothing but a total mess. I am absolutely miserable. I feel pressured to quit habits that I can't seem to quit. My wife has had it with me. I'm not happy in the world, but I'm also not happy as a Christian. What exactly do I have to be grateful for?" It has never occurred to them that a large part of the reason they are in such a predicament is because of their unthankful, stingy spirit. What a different outlook than that of the little old lady living in poverty who looked down at the scrap of dry bread and cup of water sitting on the table in front of her and exclaimed, "What, all this and Christ too?!"

It reminds me of the story of two little boys, both nine years old. Johnny's daddy is an affluent attorney in a big city. At Christmas time he purchased his son a large number of gifts. The one he was most excited about was the new Super Nintendo system he bought for his boy. On Christmas eve, he was careful to put it all the way in the back of the tree so that it would be the last present Johnny would open. The following morning the nine-year old impatiently opened and tossed aside all his presents. His dad's anticipation was mounting as Johnny finally grabbed the last package. He tore off the wrapping paper, discovered the Nintendo, and threw it down. "I wanted the new Sony Playstation!" he yelled, storming off to his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

Meanwhile, down in the heart of Mexico there is an orphanage where unwanted little boys and girls are abandoned. Life in the dilapidated facility is all that little Juan has ever known. On this same Christmas morning, an American pastor showed up with a truckload of used toys he had collected at the church. He began handing out assorted toys to all the children. He could not help but notice Juan standing off to the side. He went into the truck and pulled out a bike: broken spokes, bent handle-bars and all. Wheeling it down the ramp to Juan, he said, "Here little guy, this is for you." The little boy looked up at him in amazement. Nobody had ever given him anything. He could not believe it. "Go ahead, Juan. It's for you." At that, the backward youngster jumped on the bike and began riding around the parking lot laughing and crying with joy.

These two boys represent the attitudes we can choose to have in life. We have so much to be grateful for in America. God has truly shed His grace upon our country. Besides the outward prosperity we enjoy, is all that God has done for us as believers. A quick breeze through Scripture reveals just a few things which God gives His children. He parted with His Son, the most precious gift He had to offer, to die on the cross for us, (John 3:16). He bestows eternal life, (Romans 6:23) and gives all things pertaining to life and godliness, (II Peter 1:3). He hands us the keys to the kingdom, (Matthew 16:19) and bestows upon us the power to tread upon serpents, (Luke 10:19). He distributes spiritual gifts, (I Corinthians 12). He imparts to us the power to become sons of God, (John 1:12). He gives us a Spirit of power, of love and of a sound mind, (II Timothy 1:7). He makes it possible for us to have victory through Jesus, (I Corinthians 15:57). He provides us with all of the wisdom we need, (James 1:5). He gives us the Holy Spirit, (Acts 2:38). For Christians, there is no limit to our gratitude lists. If a believer is not grateful it is because he willfully chooses not to be.

Gratitude is a disposition of life that must be encouraged and nurtured. If a believer waits until he feels like being thankful, it might never happen. He must make it a priority to develop a habit of being grateful regardless of his circumstances. There are two basic things one can do which will help. First, the person needs to repent of complaining. This means he asks the Lord to forgive him for his spirit of ingratitude. He must make a commitment to quit grumbling. He will have to repent of self-pity because it is the underlying disposition which fosters thanklessness. He must also repent of being demanding and selfish in life. Christians should strive to be in the spirit Juan was in, rather than the attitude Johnny displayed.

Secondly, he must learn to start expressing gratitude. He should regularly thank the Lord for all that He has done in his life. God has certainly been extremely patient with those of us who have struggled with sexual sin. We have much to be thankful for! Another practical exercise one can do is to make gratitude lists. For instance, a believer can make a list of all the things he can think of that he is grateful for in his life. Perhaps the following week he will make one about his job. Of all of the gifts I have ever given my wife, one of her favorites is a framed list of thirty-five things I love about her which I gave to her on her 35th birthday. To this day she absolutely adores it.

Doing gratitude lists will have an unbelievable effect on what spirit a man is in. For those who are especially ungrateful, perhaps they should have their wives go to the local video store and rent "A Christmas Carol!" The message of that movie is certainly appropriate to the miserable man who is never satisfied with his life and cannot find anything to thank God for.

CLEANSING THE CUP

In the fourth chapter I spoke about the need to pull down the facades of holiness and to expose the true nature of one's heart. In the fifth chapter we looked at the mind of the man given over to sin, which is full of wickedness and so on. This same terminology is used by Jesus when speaking about the Pharisees. One day He was eating with the Pharisees when one of them criticized Him for not ceremonially washing His hands before eating. This would be comparable to a Christian not bowing his head and making a show of saying grace before dinner. Jesus turned to them and said, "Now you Pharisees clean the outside of the cup and of the platter; but inside of you, you are full of robbery and wickedness. You foolish ones, did not He who made the outside make the inside also? But give that which is within as charity, and then all things are clean for you," (Luke 11:39-41).

I have dealt with thousands of men in sexual sin over the last fifteen years. Many had learned to clean the outward life. They faithfully attended church. They quit their past life of partying and carousing. They had repented of the open rebellion they had once lived in toward God. Outwardly they seemed to be doing fairly well. However, it was another matter inwardly. Although they had cleaned the outside of the cup, their inside world was still full of wickedness, and, as the Lord said of the Pharisees on another occasion, "self-indulgence," (Matthew 23:25).

Jesus did not scold the Pharisees for cleaning up their outward lives. It is pleasing to God for us to go to church and to repent of that outward visible evidence of wickedness. He was trying to teach them that it is just as important to cleanse the inside life as well. Many men who have been controlled by a driving lust have managed to overcome the outward acts of sexual sin, but are still consumed by lust inside. Something must change in the inward life.

Jesus gave the answer to the Pharisees that day. "...give that which is within as charity, and then all things are clean for you." In that one word He put His finger right on the problem. In their hearts the Pharisees were not givers but takers. How opposite was our Savior! He spent His entire ministry doing for others. His life was one devoted to doing acts of mercy. He constantly sacrificed for the sake of others, always showing kindness, healing, delivering, teaching, and giving. What was within Him came out in the form of mercy, love, and compassion.

In that one word, giving, He provides the answer to the person who has learned how to do the outward things of religion and yet is still filled with wickedness. This one word, which is used some two thousand times in Scripture, describes the fundamental nature of God and consequently what it means to be godly. It also describes why many remain defeated. The steps outlined in this book will lead the struggling man toward victory. He can close the avenues he has opened up to the devil. He can allow God to deal with his flesh and go through His mighty process of discipline. He can avoid the schemes of the enemy. He can see what he is like and go through a real breaking over it. He can develop a wonderful devotional life. However, if he is going to be cleansed on the inside, a transformation will have to take place within. He must take less and give more!

Lust is a passion -- a selfish passion. To leer over another's body is to seek to take something from that person for self. Sexual desire completely revolves around the gratification of one's own flesh. It is utter selfishness. There is another passion available to the child of God. It is what drove Jesus to lay down His life at the cross of Calvary. Luke called it His "passion," (Acts 1:3 KJV). There is a heavenly flow a person can immerse himself in in order to meet the needs of other people. It is the holy fire in which God lives -- a passion to help those in need. For the man who has lived his entire life in self-centeredness, this concept seems completely foreign. "Look, pal, I just want to get rid of this lust problem. I'm not looking to turn the world upside-down." Yet, this is the answer that Jesus gave to those who needed a great inner purging. He said to give. It is the opposite spirit of wanting to take for self.

What exactly did Jesus mean when He stated the second greatest commandment -- one of the two commandments upon which the entire Bible rests? When He said that we should love our neighbors as ourselves, did He mean, as the worldly teachers claim, that we need to first learn to love ourselves? No! If there is one thing that is true about those in sexual sin, it is that they have done a thorough job of loving themselves. In fact, they have been in such a passion to please themselves that they have hurt every person who has been close to them. Certainly, Jesus must have meant something different than this! For anyone who makes more than a cursory examination of New Testament living can surely see that the foundation of the Christian life involves doing good to others. Loving others is not a suggestion, but a commandment! If one were to look at the "Ten Commandments," he would find that the first four deal with our love for God and the last six with our love for others. In fact, let me take that a step further. Every time a person sins, he is sinning against God and/or another person.

Jesus said, "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another," (John 13:34-35). Paul said, "owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law," (Romans 13:8). Peter stated, "Above all keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins," (I Peter 4:8). And finally, John declared, "We love because He first loved us. If someone says, 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar, for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen," (I John 4:19-20).

To love others in the power of God is not some vague, mystical concept. In simplest terms, it means to give of oneself. Jesus said, "...give that which is within as charity, and then all things are clean for you." As the person learns to become a giver in his heart, he will begin to view everything in life differently. He will be cleansed inside.

On a practical level, one sure way into this heavenly passion is to begin seeing the needs of others. Sexual sinners are experts at taking extremely good care of their every need and desire. How little interest they have shown in the lives of others. Paul expressed what love is in a practical way: "Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus," (Philippians 2:3-5 KJV).

Unquestionably, this is the mind that Jesus has had toward us. He has been patient and extremely merciful to each one of us. He has tried to do everything within His power to do good to us. However, many are like the slave who was forgiven a great debt but quickly forgot the mercy done to him, and therefore, showed a lack of mercy to his brother. To him the king said, "'You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you entreated me. Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, even as I had mercy on you?" (Matthew 18:32-33).

Jesus said, "Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out demons; freely you received, freely give," (Matthew 10:8). In other words, go out and meet the needs of others. Start seeing other people as God sees them. As you do this, the Lord's compassion will begin to grow within you. A gradual change will occur in your heart. Rather than seeing people as objects to use for your own selfish purposes, you will begin to see them as people with problems, struggles, and hurts. You will begin to invest your life in theirs for their good. This is the normal Christian life. Anyone can claim to be a follower of Christ, but those who truly have the Spirit of God within them will eventually be compelled to love other people. Oswald Chambers said, "When the Holy Spirit has shed abroad the love of God in our hearts, then that love requires cultivation. No love on earth will develop without being cultivated. We have to dedicate ourselves to love, which means identifying ourselves with God's interests in other people."1

Jesus said to give that which is within. If the sin is in the heart, would not the best place to deal with it be in the heart? "All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man," Jesus said (Mark 7:23). The key is to turn one's heart into one of goodness by praying for others. As the man learns to truly intercede for the needs of other people, a transformation will occur. He will become a giver in his heart instead of a taker. God wants a spirit of blessing to be within His people all the time. The more a man prays for others, the less he will become irritated, offended and provoked by them; and yes, the less they will appeal to him sexually.

Praying for others is definitely a huge step in the right direction. The change will soon break out of the heart into outward actions. The old stinginess will be replaced with a new spirit of giving. Just like the transformation ole' Scrooge went through, the person will soon be looking for opportunities to meet needs. He will delight in giving his time, money, and possessions. More importantly, he will give his life away: just so others may prosper and be blessed.

The best way to begin this process is to find a need and fill it. I can remember when I was in my early days of freedom. The Lord laid a burden on my heart to begin giving out bags of little necessities to the homeless people on skid row in Sacramento. I took my own money and went to thrift stores and bought every satchel, tote bag and gym bag I could find. Then I filled the bags with all kinds of little goodies that I thought would be a blessing to these men who were living on the streets. I did this for several weeks until the Lord told me it was time to stop. What a wonderful opportunity to do mercy to others expecting nothing in return. It was the first time I truly understood what Jesus meant when He said, "It is more blessed to give than to receive," (Acts 20:35).

The possibilities of getting involved in the needs of others are limitless. Nursing home ministries are always looking for volunteers to help the elderly who have often been forgotten and abandoned by family and friends. What a wonderful place to live out the mercy which God has shown to you. Jail ministries need men who will take an interest in those behind bars. Boys need Sunday school teachers who will take an interest in their lives; and soup kitchens need people who will come out and serve unselfishly. If nothing else, one can go to his pastor and offer to serve in whatever capacity is necessary to help the ministry. Most pastors are inundated with pastoral obligations and various problems concerning members of their congregation and have very few people willing to give of their time.

It is very important that one does not get into situations which will bring glory to one's self. Men who have been involved in sexual sin must first learn to become servants. To become involved in a leadership position where one is noticed by others will defeat the entire purpose. Jesus said, "Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven," (Matthew 6:1). A person has to unselfishly serve or nothing will change inside him.

If the man will get out of himself, he will soon come to understand the blessed life of being a giver. There is not a devil in hell that can stop him from living out God's love to other people. Until he begins to do this, he will remain imprisoned behind the walls of his own selfishness.

Close every avenue the enemy might have to affect your soul; develop and nurture a thankful spirit; and learn to be a giver instead of a taker. These spiritual exercises will transform the way you see other people; you will begin to see them through the eyes of the One who laid down His life for both you and them.

Excerpts taken from At The Altar Of Sexual Idolatry.
Copyright 2000 by Steve Gallagher

Rev. Steve Gallagher [steve@purelifeministries.org] is the founder and president of Pure Life Ministries. Pure Life Ministries has been leading men into sexual purity since 1986 through our counseling programs and a vast array of teaching materials specifically designed to help men. They operate a six-month residential program in Kentucky, where men find lasting freedom through an encounter with the living God. The sobering atmosphere and the consecration of a loving staff provides the perfect environment for those who sincerely want victory over sexual sin. Pure Life Ministries also offer a 12-week At-Home Program for men who need help but cannot come to Kentucky. Pastors will find their teaching materials to be an invaluable resource in dealing with issues of sexual purity. Contact Pure Life Ministries, P. O. Box 410, Dry Ridge, KY 41035, phone (toll free) 800.635.1866, office phone 606.824.4444, fax 606.824.5159.