The Problem with Choosing Joy

“Choose joy!”

If I had a dollar for every time I have heard those words of advice since our son died in the summer of 2023, I would be a much wealthier individual.

Yet, in each instance, I somewhat begrudgingly listened to those loving words of encouragement and then turned around immediately and quietly chose – one more time – to look for joy in whatever moment or situation that surrounded me.

Like many others experiencing tough times, I looked for the beauty around me, be it blue skies, gorgeous flowers, puppy dogs, little kids, or even the mere acknowledgement of my good health, and warm, safe home. I purposefully sought and found joyful things to focus on and to praise God for providing to me.

But the truth is, no matter how helpful or encouraging – or spiritual – the advice to simply choose joy sounds, that phrase is not completely scriptural.

On Christianity.com, writers Hope Bolinger and Trey Soto explored the connotations and denotations of this concept, specifically the possibility that well-meaning Christians the world over might have misconstrued the biblical basis of choosing joy. In fact, if James 11:35 is any indicator, the writers believed that we might just be choosing joy at the expense of “ignoring healthy, God-given emotions like sadness, grief, or anger.”

Yes, in tough times, be it sickness, divorce, addiction, financial hardship, estrangement from loved ones, or even death, we can and should seek joy and gladness instead of giving continued reign to negative, destructive thoughts. But the joy we seek to help us overcome those dark times is not necessarily joy itself. Instead, our joy resides in the one who is the source of that joy, the lover of our souls. As Romans 8:37 so aptly puts it: “Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.”

And again, yes, as human beings, God gives each of us the power of free will and choice. Yet, our choices are limited to two very distinct and opposite things. In fact, as the previously stated verse in Romans helps us remember that His loving sacrificial life, death, burial, and resurrection provide us with our only real source of power.

To receive that power, we are given the great gift to either choose to surrender to Jesus Christ as the Savior and Lord of our lives … or not. Ultimately, that is the only power and control we have. That’s it. We either choose eternal life in Christ or never-ending death without Him.

I praise God for that choice to surrender to Jesus, and I made that decision to surrender to Him long ago as a young girl in my hometown Baptist church in the small Mississippi community in which I lived. Even now, more than 50 years later, I keep coming back to that most important choice over and over again – especially since the death of our son.

Because here’s the thing: Choosing joy is not enough. And it never will be.

Even if I make that choice 48 times per day, once every half hour, my choice to see the beautiful things that I still possess or to cherish the precious people still alive around me, that joy can never replace what is missing from our daily lives. That joy cannot replace our son Chris.

Nor will a simple choice for joy heal the ache in someone’s heart over loved ones facing addiction. That choice will not eradicate sickness, and it will not pay bills and fill bank accounts. The act of choosing joy will not sustain anyone in the throes of a bitter divorce, and it cannot save the lost loved ones in our families.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I always want to have a positive attitude and gratefully recognize the joyful things and people in my life, but that positive attitude cannot and will not change my circumstances – or change yours. That’s because there is a big difference between extrinsic pleasure and happiness versus true intrinsic, eternal joy.

C.S. Lewis made that distinction in his iconic book, Surprised by Joy: “I doubt whether anyone who has tasted [joy] would ever, if both were in his power, exchange it for all the pleasures in the world. But then [j]oy is never in our power and [p]leasure often is.”

So, yes, pleasure is our prerogative, and of course, a positive mindset can help us crawl out from under the very real and palpable extrinsic darkness long enough to see the light. But it is only Jesus who can and will keep the darkness forever at bay, for He alone is the Light of the World. Truth be told, He is the antithesis of all darkness, as the book of John tells us repeatedly in verses such as John 1:5, 8:12, 11:9, and 12:35-36.

If those verses are not enough to show us that Jesus is unequivocally our only source of Light, then 2 Corinthians 4:6 enlightens us and makes the concept quite clear: “For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.”

Just as that face alone – the very face of Jesus Christ – is our Light, He is also the true source of all joy. This true joy is literally a fruit of His Spirit living within us, per Galatians 5:22. And that same joy, the joy of the Lord, is our strength, according to Nehemiah 8:10.

So, for me, the one overriding lesson that I have learned in the past three years is the same lesson that Jesus conveyed to His disciples in John 16, when they were contemplating the unthinkable possibility of life without being able to see Him.

Notice that Jesus did not negate their impending sorrow and grief. There were no admonishments to ignore that coming grief; there were no commands to simply choose joy over their inevitable sorrow. No! Not at all.

Jesus spoke directly to the pain, loss, and questions that He knew they would have when He was gone from their sight.

In John 16:22, He told the disciples that, yes, they would have sorrow, but He also reassured them that they would see Him again. And on that day, the day of His return, He promised them: “…your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.”

Praise God! Their sorrow (and ours, too) will most assuredly end for all of eternity on the day of His return.

That brings us right back to our original discussion of choices, and it proves once and for all that the only choice we really have is in surrendering (or not surrendering) our lives to the only true source of light and joy – Jesus Christ.

Well, pardon me, but I refuse to simply choose joy; I choose Jesus, the source of all true and eternal joy, which means that (in choosing to surrender my life completely to Jesus) in the good times, in the bad times, and even in the worst times, I can also be confident that He will always fill me with His eternal joy rather than my own temporary joy.

And on top of His endless supply of joy, as Jude 1:24 assures us, Jesus is also able to keep us from falling (in the midst of our pain and sorrow), and He will present us “faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy.”

So, no more simply choosing joy – not when choosing Jesus means exceeding joy for eternity in His presence!

That’s the perfect choice.

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