A heavy calling

For 12 months, 52 weeks, 24 hours daily, pastors are expected to serve their congregations. Although many are honored in October (Pastor Appreciation Month), a pastor’s work is a year-round commitment to his flock, and there are often more challenges in a pastor’s life than meets the eye – two significant ones being isolation and the need to be pastored himself.

Speaker, author, and pastor Paul David Tripp brings these two struggles, among others, to light in his book titled Dangerous Calling: Confronting the Unique Challenges of Pastoral Ministry (Crossway, 2025). Using personal stories to demonstrate God’s faithfulness amid struggles, Tripp addresses the risks faced in pastoral ministry and warns about the dangers of relying on one’s education and charisma, the need to perform, and familiarity with the gospel. These dangers have the potential to destroy a pastor’s marriage and ministry, leading him to a place of loneliness and isolation.

A lonely place

According to historical data from the Barna Group (barna.com) that was referenced in a 2023 article titled “7-Year Trends: Pastors Feel More Loneliness & Less Support,” feelings of loneliness and isolation have “increased significantly since 2015 when 42% of pastors shared they either frequently (14%) or sometimes (28%) felt this way. Now, 65% of pastors report feelings of loneliness and isolation, with 18% admitting these feelings occur frequently.”

Thom Rainer, president and CEO of Lifeway Christian Resources, identified some of the reasons that contribute to pastors feeling lonely. He said that the geographical location of the church is not a factor, but the size of the church is. Pastors of larger churches are more likely to experience loneliness because a larger church comes with more responsibilities, more pressure, and more critics. A pastor’s age and education level are also factors. The younger the pastor, the more likely he is to be lonely; it’s the same the higher the level of education he has.

Both Rainer and Tripp agree that the daily toll of ministry leads a pastor to both feeling and being alone.

“Autonomous Christianity never works, because our spiritual life was designed by God to be a community project,” Tripp writes.

Therefore, Tripp gives practical advice to pastors on how to deal with loneliness.

A need to be pastored

Pastors “are quick to minister but not very open to being ministered to,” he admits.

That’s why Tripp believes a pastor should be led in a small group while giving church members an opportunity to know their pastor beyond the pulpit. It’s important to provide opportunities for a pastor to grow spiritually under the teaching of another spiritually mature mentor in his life.

Simply put, a pastor needs to be pastored. He needs a trusted friend he can confide in. He needs to be surrounded by people who provide encouragement and accountability as well as shared humility to receive godly wisdom and instruction. But there must be a healthy balance.

A pastor who “looked horizontally for what could only be found vertically … felt more and more alone and under-appreciated,” Tripp writes.

Therefore, it is important for a pastor to continually recognize the need for the gospel in his own life.

“If you are not daily admitting to yourself that you are a mess and in daily and rather desperate need for forgiving and transforming grace, … then you are going to give yourself to the work of convincing yourself that you are okay,” which results from a pastor unintentionally neglecting his own personal walk with God, Tripp explains. “Many pastors out there are seeking to lead and teach well, but it is simply not fueled or directed by the devotion of their hearts to their Savior.”

The busyness and burdens of ministry can halt the pastor from strengthening his relationship with God. In addition to preparing for sermons, a pastor spends time with families and individuals through life’s highs and lows. He leaves parents filled with the excitement of a newborn baby … for the bedside of a beloved church member in hospice care. He goes from a lunch meeting with a young adult desiring to grow in his faith … to a meeting in his office with a disgruntled deacon.

Tripp writes, “It is only a heart that is satisfied in Christ that can be spiritually content in the hardships of ministry.”

That’s why Jesus tells His disciples in John 15:4, “Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me.”

A means of protection

The church plays a key role in helping its pastor abide in Christ and not feel isolated. Here are four ways, based on Tripp’s book, the church can come alongside its pastor – not just during the month of October but year-round.

PROTECT THE PASTOR: In addition to encouraging the pastor, provide him uninterrupted time with his family as well as counseling resources when needed.

“Help your pastor and his wife to have all the resources possible to give their relationship the focus and investment it needs, to be a place of unity, understanding, and love,” Tripp writes. “It is a potentially unbiblical and unhealthy culture that does not protect the pastor and does not guard his ministry from danger.”

INCLUDE THE PASTOR: To ensure that a pastor and his family do not live in isolation, include them in fellowship outside of the church building: Enjoy a cookout, watch a ballgame, or go out to dinner together.

Tripp suggests, “Get them out of hiding and invite them into situations where they can relax and just be as ordinary as possible.”

Expect the pastor to struggle: Beware of “unrealistic expectations” placed on the pastor. Often the church does not expect its pastor to struggle with sin, become discouraged, or wrestle with doubt, bitterness, and envy. Just as the pastor must continually recognize his need for the gospel, Tripp reminds readers that “it is vital to remember that every pastor is in the middle of being reconstructed by God’s grace.”

HOLD THE PASTOR ACCOUNTABLE: Sincerely speak with biblical candor to the pastor regarding his own spiritual well-being. This should come from sound, mature church leaders, usually at the beginning of his ministry within the church but also as situations arise. If not, “then he will probably conduct most of his ministry in the context of personal isolation coupled with a large network of terminally casual relationships,” writes Tripp.

After all, genuine conversations – combined with a deep and sincere love and respect for one’s pastor – aid in developing and maintaining a healthy and spirit-filled faith family where all are fed and cared for and God is glorified.

Editor’s Note: John Davis has been in full-time ministry since 2007, serving nearly 10 of those years as a pastor. His most recent ministry has been to young children and their parents as director of a church day school in Northeast Mississippi.