Woman to wife

“Marriage looks like it’s coming back,” according to Brad Wilcox, sociology professor at the University of Virginia and prominent family researcher. “Stable marriage is a norm again, and [so is] the way that most people rear the rising generation.”

Wilcox’s words are in response to what he believes are overstated claims about the decline in marriage. In fact, he espouses the exact opposite – that the institution of marriage is on the rebound.

With that in mind, how should young adults – specifically young women – prepare for marriage in today’s culture?

Here are several ways to procure wifely assets, whether one’s wedding day is fast approaching or a distant dream.

Practice home economics

Do not be afraid of traditional gender roles. Learn the basics of managing a house and family, but do not stop at that. If arranging flowers or knitting blankets is not your forte, try your hand at restoring furniture or home renovation. Find ways to express yourself through common household activities.

Women are designed to nurture, create, appreciate beauty, and desire order, so you may find such pursuits surprisingly enjoyable. Women are also designed to be capable, so you do not need to be afraid of getting your hands dirty with building and repair projects.

By the time I was a teenager, I had responsibilities for household chores, caring for younger siblings, helping them with schoolwork, and preparing family meals. Doing all that has not made me any less “empowered.” In fact, it enabled me to get my first job at a child care facility, work as a private tutor throughout college, and survive on a budget by cooking meals.

Honor men

The path to honoring a husband is through honoring men in other types of relationships: father, brother, boss, co-worker, church member, friend. It begins with simple respect – something needed but lacking in our culture. Respect means you do not attempt to aggressively command or direct a man to fill whatever criteria you have in mind. It also means you do not play the part of a nagging, weak, whimpering woman who uses emotional tactics to manipulate men. You allow men to be men and respond as a woman, allowing for differences and inevitable flaws on both sides.

Furthermore, honoring men by not caving to the urge to correct them or complain about them begins with trusting God. Healthy attitudes toward relationships arise from a healthy relationship with God. Trusting a man, or any person, to be who he is – without experiencing the insecurity that makes you want to control and moderate that person – is rooted in trusting God.

Examine motivation

I have noticed that many girls and women have plenty of eager hopes for marriage, coupled with the rosy joys of babies, baking cupcakes for school parties, dream homes, reliable providers, and a hand to hold when feeling lonely. Few women daydream about living life with an actual human being who spits toothpaste in the sink and forgets to clean it afterward, creates dirty laundry, and has plans and ideas different than their own. The ideal seems to be achieving the married state … not necessarily having a husband.

However, marriage is not just about meeting our needs or the fulfillment of airy dreams. It has the potential to do a great deal in both of those areas, but that should not be the purpose or premise for marriage.

Marriage is not about self – or even two people. It was created by God and for God, and as we see in the gospel story, it represents the relationship between Christ and His church.

Ephesians 5:31-32 says, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.”

Marriage is meant to be the picture of a God so filled with love for His people that He sacrifices His own life for their sake. It is meant to be the picture of a church so captivated by her Husband’s love and selflessness that she is joyfully set on serving Him and pleasing Him.

So, our desire for marriage should consist of more than a castle in the air promising a fuller life. It should be about living out the gritty reality of grace with another imperfect person in a broken world.

Navigate Conflict

Marriage is certainly not the only type of relationship in life, but it is the most intimate, and therefore, any conflict that arises can seem painfully personal. Other types of relationships, however, provide a readily available way to learn to handle negative emotions, adapt to different personalities, and work through conflicts in a constructive way. Conflicts will certainly come up within friendships, families, the workplace, church, school, and community. In those settings, it may be easy to withdraw or sweep conflict under the rug, but that will not be possible in marriage.

Instead, it is important to learn from other relationships. Serving with others connects you to people with diverse personalities, beliefs, and backgrounds. Of course, there is no need to seek conflict in marriage, but there is a need to address it in a way that pursues a solution, is considerate and teachable, and reflects your faith.

Learn to be content

Satisfaction in marriage begins with being at peace with God and the way He has ordained your life. If you cannot find satisfaction with God – while single or married – you will have a hard time finding satisfaction anywhere else.

In Philippians 4:11, Paul writes, “Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.”

It is entirely biblical for a wife to serve alongside her husband, but it is an impossible demand to expect an earthly man to fill what is really a spiritual hunger.

Every day and every situation you experience is given to you for a reason. God does not waste anything. Singleness is not a holding pattern, and marriage is not the starting point of life’s purpose. Live each day as you should, “in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ” (Philippians 1:27), and rest in knowing and trusting that God brings exactly what is good for you.

Editor’s Note: The above commentary is adapted from a blog that was originally posted September 28, 2015, on engagemagazine.net.