grief
/ɡrēf/
Noun
deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement
Grief is a word that is much heavier to me now than ever before. It’s hard to make my mind understand that I will feel this for the rest of my life - deep sadness, distress, mourning. I hear it will get better, and I’m sure my grief will feel different as time continues to pass, but in this first year of my son passing away, my grief feels new every day.
Unfortunately, it also affects the way I mother my other two precious children who are still here with me. Before John-Micah passed away, in my naivete, I would assume that losing a child would make you want to be the best mother ever. And that is my desire, but oh how I fail to meet that desire daily. Some days it starts out fine, but then it amazes me just how quickly sorrow can come in and steal any joy or peace that I woke up feeling. One meltdown by my toddler or one mishap with my three-year-old, and I’m ready for the day to be done. I look and see it’s only 9 am, and all I can do is pray “Lord give me strength.”
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18).
Oh, how I relate to this verse daily. Some days I am quick to feel His presence and quick to acknowledge His nearness but sadly, some days it’s hard for me to feel He is near at all. But then because of His loving kindness, He reminds me I’m not alone and that He is always there to welcome me and to catch every tear that falls. Thankfully, when I finally recognize that, my mind can feel at peace- that heavy yolk is lifted (Matthew 11:28-30), and my heart doesn’t feel so “crushed” in that sacred moment.
When I can accept that the Lord is near (that He never left my side), I am a better mama to my little ones. After I surrender my life to the One who holds me in His kind hands, my heart feels cared for. Once my heart is taken care of, I find the strength to step up and protect their hearts like they deserve. Those meltdowns don’t feel so powerful, and those mishaps don’t feel so overwhelming as I acknowledge He is holding my children (all three) in those same hands that continue to hold me.
I felt led to write these Scriptures and put them around my house. “His yolk is easy; his burden is light.” “He is near to the brokenhearted and crushed in spirit.”
I encourage you to take time to add to your bathroom mirror, kitchen window, or the side of your nightstand- that the Lord is good. If we let Him - He will restore our soul. Restoring our soul may be needed once a day or every minute some days- and that’s okay!
Being a mother is the most blessed role on this side of heaven, and as a mama to two here in my arms and one resting in Jesus, I have a very important responsibility. My duty is to raise two children to fall in love with Jesus as they watch me fall more in love with Jesus and to let the story of my forever baby boy hopefully inspire others to live their lives to their fullest potential honoring Jesus all the way.
I encourage you (as I encourage myself) to let Jesus pick us up daily as we mother these kiddos (no matter if they’re still potty training or teaching their own to be potty trained), and surrender whatever our grief may look like that day. To look in His precious face and know He is near to our broken hearts, and He is always holding us in His mighty hands.
With Him, grieving while mothering doesn’t have to feel so heavy.
Verses for our kitchen windows:
Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you (1 Peter 5:7).
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3).
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted (Matthew 5:4).
He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away (Revelation 21:4).
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30).
