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Planet Fitness Saves Humanity!

Tuesday, March 10, 2015 @ 12:46 PM
Planet Fitness Saves Humanity! Dr. Ray Rooney, Jr. Digital Media Editor MORE

Now why didn’t the rest of us figure this out? Whenever there is a difference of opinion, perspective, ideology, and/or belief you just create a “no judgment zone!” Yes, ladies and gentlemen, a Michigan Planet Fitness gym has essentially solved all present and future conflicts in the world by establishing that their gyms are “no judgment zones.”

Lord, I don’t know if this is comedy or tragedy or both. I’m sure it is a combination.

The story?

According to mlive.com Yvette Cormier was stunned when she found a man in the women’s locker room one day. She complained. To anyone who would listen. Local staff. Planet Fitness Corporate headquarters. And unfortunately for her membership, to fellow female gym enthusiasts. Yvette was ignored by local and corporate staff until they got wind of her complaints to other women using the locker room. It was only then that anyone at Planet Fitness took action. Someone at Corporate called her and asked “if she was going to stop talking to other women in the locker room” [presumably about the man using the ladies facilities]. When Yvette refused to comply with the command to stop talking to other women about a man being in the locker room her membership was cancelled.

Planet Fitness released a statement that rambles about their “gender identity non-discriminating policy…” that invites gym members to “use all gym facilities based on their sincere self-reported gender identity.” It’s called their “no judgment policy.”

Like I said before, why didn’t the rest of the world think of that?

Just consider the potential here. Benjamin Netanyahu doesn’t need the American Congress to give the Obama Administration’s Iranian nuclear negotiations a thumb’s down. Why he can just declare Israel a “no judgment zone.” Get that news to the Iranians, quick! I’m sure they’ll immediately cease their nuclear program and aspirations. I mean if a “no judgment zone” is declared what’s the point?

I certainly know what I am going to say to the officer the next time I get pulled over for speeding. “I realize the speed limit is 40, officer, but as far as I’m concerned this is a ‘no judgment zone’ and I don’t really appreciate your judgment of me today. Bye now.”

I’ve also decided my home is going to be a judgment free zone. From now on I will not help with the housework, or repair anything that breaks down, or provide paternal guidance for the kids (I’ve made the decision that from this day forward I self-identify as a lazy bum rather than a responsible husband and father). So if I even sense any negativity coming from my wife I’m just going to point to the sign I will put over the mantle that reads “No Judgment Zone!” I’m sure she will understand and stop talking negatively to the kids about me.

It’s just really hard for me to decide if I should be serious or funny about this. Are you kidding me??? In Planet Fitness’ world a guy in a ladies locker room is right but the lady who complains about it is kicked out? Wait a minute, here. I thought the whole Roe v Wade Supreme Court decision legalizing abortion hinged on the Court deciding that the Constitution implies a fundamental “right to privacy” for women? So no man can tell a woman what she can or cannot do with her body but no woman can expect a man not to be gawking at her while she undresses in a women's locker room?  Don't you just love this privacy thing?

And don’t give me this stuff about Planet Fitness being a business that can decide for itself what the rules are. You might want to tell that to the florists, bakers, and photographers who have been sued by homosexuals for refusing to comply with their wishes. Apparently, “judgment free zones” only apply to those who hold to a particular ideology.

And shall we even get into the intellectual incoherence of Planet Fitness judging Yvette in the very same building they deemed to be a “Judgment Free Zone”? I am reminded of a scene from the old sitcom Cheers. Psychiatrist Dr. Frazier Crane is sitting at the bar next to Cliff Clavin listening as Cliff rambles on about why his two extra teeth are proof that he is an heir to the Russian throne. Dr. Crane looks at Cliff and says, “Hello in there Cliff. Tell me, what color is the sky in your world?” Could somebody please ask the corporate bosses at Planet Fitness the same question?

So, hats off to Planet Fitness for finally figuring out the solution to end all conflict, wars, disagreements, and even crime itself. Just declare yourself to be living in a “Judgment Free Zone.” It’s bound to work nearly as good as declaring businesses, ghettos, and even entire cities to be “gun free zones” right? As a matter of fact, I think Planet Fitness has come up with the solution to halt Judgment Day itself! Oh how pleased atheists, murderers, and rejecters of Christ must be to know that when they stand before Almighty God and He is about impose His judgment all they have to do is say, “Not so fast, God. Didn’t you get the memo? The area in front of your throne has been declared to be a “Judgment Free Zone!”

Planet Fitness is awesome!

(downer memo to Planet Fitness: just don’t be surprised if you hear a voice emanating from that Great White Throne responding with “Hello in there. Tell me, what color was the sky in your world?”)

 

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