A coworker recently came to my desk and wanted to chat. A young mother herself with two young children, she knew I could relate. She asked me if I ever felt overwhelmed. My affirmative reply was instantaneous. Yes, motherhood is overwhelming. It is beautiful and wonderful and overwhelming. That is just the reality of it.
As mothers, my coworker and I accept that and gratefully thank God for every aspect of motherhood. But we also admit that we need help. We are sinners trying to raise little sinners to love a sinless Savior. And that’s just not easy!
Listen to my coworker’s pleas below. She is raw and honest in her confession and in her cry for older women to step up and mentor younger women as set forth in Titus 2:3-5:
Oh Lord, where are you? Please don’t forsake me in this overwhelming season of my life. I am drowning, and I feel like there is no one to pull me from all the demands in my life. I cannot do this on my own, yet I do not sense that you are near. Don’t leave me in my despair.
I feel iniquity and transgression colliding in me and producing unrighteous anger. Oh Father, help me to die to my desire to be angry and seek justice. I am a failure. I feel like I cause more damage than good. I lose my patience far too easily. I yell and shout, to make my point, and then I quickly realize I said words that can never be taken back. At times, it seems as if I have no self-control.
Because of my sin, I’m fearful of my heart becoming hardened like cold wax. I am so ashamed of myself, and I know I’m unworthy of your grace. Yet, you extend it still.
Then my head fills with lies, and it seems impossible to take them captive. At times, it is so hard to remember that you mean good for me. I am so distressed over my sin against you and those I love. I think I know how to be a good mother. I try, but I fail.
I need you, Lord. I need help.
Where are the older women that Paul speaks of in the book of Titus? I long for an older believing woman to come alongside me to teach me how to love my husband better, how to raise our children to love God, and how to discipline our children in love and teach them a reverent fear of the Lord.
Lord, please send me someone who leads by example. I beg you to bring a woman into my life who doesn’t just tell me what I should do, but teaches me how to put words into action. I want her to love me enough to correct me instead of justifying my sinful actions. No matter how wronged I feel, how exhausted I am, or how unappreciated I feel, I am not justified in reacting unkindly. I need a godly woman who will hold me accountable, who will encourage me, exhort me, and teach me to sacrificially love my family.
At times, it may not look like it, but I do love my family dearly. Thank you for them. They are so precious to me and deserve so much more than the wretch in me.
Thank you, Father, for this season, though it is hard and often heartbreaking. I know you are teaching me and changing the ugly in me in preparation for tasks unknown. You are good, and I am grateful!